From Chaos comes Clarity.

So, this weekend while I was at the Utah game this weekend sitting there watching turnover after turnover my dad (who is obviously a BYU fan since he coaches Rugby there) texted me and asked me what the score was. My dad and I constantly banter back and forth when its football season. Utah's 54-10 victory over BYU this season really helped my cause. He can't stand losing especially not to my team. So when he texted me and asked what the score was I was a bit surprised that he wasn't watching the game. Its not like my dad to pass up on an opportunity to give me crap. Then he texted me and told me Chaos our Jack Russell Terrier got hit by a car, let me just point out the dog has been hit 4 times before so it was kind of like yeah whatever your lying, well turns out he wasn't. He got ran over by the mail man and took off running for some odd reason. My parents looked everywhere, they followed his blood all the way to the canal (which is about a mile away) and then the trail stopped. They kept looking and asking everyone if they had seen him and nothing. Some people did see him and said he was bleeding so badly that he'd turned pink and they'd thought he was spray painted. Then they went home and got Murphy our other dog who is an airdale terrier, absolutely massive but loves to hunt Chaos. When he couldn't find him we pretty much gave up hope but it was Saturday night so we planned on calling the pound Monday. We went out and looked again on Sunday and still nothing. We were pretty positive that he was gone and wouldn't be home. The saddest part for me was thinking that he was out alone in the cold bleeding to death and scared. Lucky for us though he was picked up by a police officer at about 2PM Saturday afternoon and taken to the animal shelter. So we had to pay $75 to spring him and my dad got a ticket for not having him on a leash and not having a dog license. By the way, when in the hell did you have to get a license to have a dog? The leash thing I knew about but a license? That you have to renew every year! Sorry but thats just too much. Anyways the good thing is that he's home now. He's got some horrendus cuts but my parents think he's going to be fine and they'll just heal on their own. Its pretty crazy when you think about it. I can't believe we found him. I'm so happy he didn't die. He's our baby, we've decided to make him an inside dog though ha. Only took us 5 times of him getting run over to realize hmmm... maybe this dumb ass should stay away from cars.

I'm completely obsessed with nail polish, and grey, so this fits.

So, I've been reading tons of blogs lately, and they are all the creative kinds where everyone is all cute and good at everything and blah blah blah I made the cutest bookshelf out of toothpicks, stuff that I am just not capable of doing, BUT I was thinking about it tonight and it just hit me, I can blog about my favorite things! You don't have to be talented to blog about your favorite things! I'm actually pretty excited to do it, so I'll blog about random stuff because I'm bored. Anyways, I figured I'd post my first one on my main blog because I haven't made my other one.

One of my vices in life is nail polish. I love it. It is amazing, I love all the colors. The problem is that I am OCD, and ADD I swear so I get totally sick of a color in about 20 minutes so I change all the time, I love OPI brand nail polish, they are by far my favorite and the longest lasting, however I just found this brand at Target that Roy introduced me to called Essie, they are a tiny bit cheaper than OPI but they really have great colors too. Grey and Purple are my favorite colors at the moment so thats the colors I have been using lately, i got this grey but I think its a little too dark. This color is Power Clutch,

I like it but I was going for more a light grey, they have a color called Glamor Purse that would be PERFECT but they only have it in stock at the Sandy store and I didn't want to drive up there today just for nail polish especially when I have to go up there tomorrow so I figured I'd just get it then. I should have waited because I'll end up repainting them on Sunday after I get the color, but I just couldn't wait.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me babble, when I get my favorite things blog up and running I'll post the link if anyone wants to read it, I don't expect people to like love it, I just get so bored and feel like writing about something. 

This is a complaining post.

Okay, first of all, I am tired ALL the time. What is up with that?? I go to bed at 11 at the LATEST every single night, I set my alarm for 6:00 so I can get up and work out, recently I started setting TWO so that it would hopefully help me. NO! You guessed it, I hit snooze about 7 times. Its not just a half hour that I sleep in, nope my lazy butt does not end up getting out of bed until 7-freaking-30! How sad is that??? First of all, holy crap I have to be at work at 8:30, and I shower and everything in 40 minutes because I leave at 8:10, yeah that part I'm not really sad about, BUT I bet I would feel like I looked better if I would spend just a little bit more time on my appearence. I think we've already established how shallow I am so I don't need to defend myself. I feel like my weight is all over the place, I weigh myself 1 week and I'm at ____ (I'm not posting how much I weigh until the before and after pictures) and the next week I'm 10 lbs lighter, then 15 lbs heavier the week after that. Its so FRUSTRATING!

Plus, my clothes are being retarded, some fit and look so flattering and cute, and others seriously make me look like I'm pregnant. Its been months since I bought new clothes and I desperately need new ones I just can't convince myself to pay for them. I really need to suck it up though and just go buy some nice clothes that make me feel good, but then I hate it because I plan on loosing all this weight and I don't want to buy clothes that just won't fit eventually, but the reality of it is, I'm not loosing weight because I'm not trying, because I can't get motivated. I'm just going to have to buy some clothes that fit and call it good, then when I loose weight I'll still have all my other "skinny clothes" to go back to. Yeah, thats what I'm going to do.

I'm just sick of being fat, tired and lazy. I really need to get moving. Its so depressing that I've been so bad lately. Its just pathetic. I really just need to kick the bad habits and call it good. Just set a routine and stick with it, NO EXCUSES! I'm just gonna set up a plan and stick to it like glue. For the next few months if I'm MIA its because I'm gonna be at the gym kickin ass.

I thought a lot about taking kickboxing because it would be AWESOME! Plus, talk about an all over workout! That would ravage me! But it would be so great. I'm ready to start over and just have a good healthy productive me.

It starts Today... as I drink a Dr. Pepper.

I am so sick of being fat! I always say I'm going to change and I NEVER do, for example, I'm sitting here at my desk drinking a Dr. Pepper, it is my weakness, it sucks me in and makes the day better. I work in customer service so headaches are pretty much constant. I love my job don't get me wrong, but some people I swear. Anyways, when I drink a Dr. Pepper it like dulls the pain, I guess this is how alcholics rationalize their issues. I've tried cutting it out completely and I am such an onry biotch that its not even worth it. I am short, snap at everything that moves and think about Dr. Pepper all day long. Also, I go out to eat almost EVERY DAY! How sick is that?! Seriously, it costs me so much money and its never places like Subway that I eat at. Its always like Chick-Fil-A or something thats delicious and full of sodium. I have a few new goals that I want to try and I want people to hound me if I slip, it is beyond ridiculous that I have gotten this fat and established all these bad habits. Goal numero Uno: ONE soda a day, thats it, no oh its been a crap day I'm having another one, or I have a headache crap. Goal numero Dos: Eat out once a week, this will help keep my wallet fat and my waist thin, I just need to start taking leftovers from dinner the night before or start buying turkey for sandwhiches. Goal number three: Work out at LEAST 3 times a week. That doesn't mean "Oh I walked a lot at work today so I'm good" No it means getting off my fat butt and either going to the gym or walking/running 3 miles. I'll probably end up walking/ running so Murphy has a chance to drain his NEVER ENDING energy supply, but he's the cutest so its okay.
I really want a personal trainer, or someone I can report to so they know I'm not cheating more importantly so I don't cheat to make myself feel better. I really need to start getting up at 6 every single day so I can workout before work because I always feel so much better, but my alarm goes off and my brain just goes "Nope, not happenin." I'm so pathetic. But I'm gonna take a picture of what I look like every single week so I can see if I improve at all, I want to start with 3 miles walking or running and get to going 6 miles continuous running and then just go from there. I've been really struggling with being chunky, I was skinny in high school so looking back on those pictures makes me like want to cry. How did I let it get this bad, its just so retarded. I'm gonna lose it all and work my butt off to keep it up, I will be skinny for my wedding dang it! I know I'm coming off as so shallow right now its pathetic but I just can't stop thinking about anything else. I want to be skinny and look cutre so bad, I am a shallow person I know that, but I also want to feel better, I am always tired, and my back is always sore. I'm just done with being unhealthy, its time for a do-over.

July.

Well, I was on a roll blogging but I killed it. Oh well, life is busy. I haven't really done a whole lot wedding wise because its so far away that I don't feel like I can do much. I've decided that I'm too fat to get married right now anyways so I'm really really glad that we're waiting. We're still trying to decide the key things, like how many people to invite, if we're going to a luncheon and reception or just one, where we're actually going to get married would be a good start but I just can't pick a place.
I've looked a lot at Highland Gardens, Sleepy Ridge and South Mountain Golf Club. Those are my top 3 places, especially the golf courses bacuse they have awesome grounds and they have indoor and outdoor patios. I want to have my reception outside but since we're getting married in July I think we need to be nice to people and make sure they can go inside to the air conditioning. The hard part is that everything is so expensive, I got my dress for really cheap so that is a HUGE help but the venue and food its just kicking my butt. I just don't know how people want to spend that kind of money when you could use it on a down payment for a house. I think we might just take the money and go to Vegas ha. Just kidding, my mom already said no.
Speaking of my mom, she wants to invite everyone to the ceremony, but she has a really really big family so it makes it difficult (and expensive) to seat and feed everyone. When I pick a venue Il;; have a better idea of how many people I can invite so it will give me a better idea on food and everything else, I just need to pick a place without spending wayyy too much money. Its proving to just be a headache, so I'm forgetting about it for a few months so there isn't as many issues.
My new goal is to lose 40 pounds before I go to my dress fitting, my dress is strapless so my upper body needs to look awesome and I want to look freakin sexy that day. My arms are a problem area and I would love them to be more toned, and a strapless dress is obviously going to show them off so I need to get working, yeah yeah I have a year but I don't want to hit June and go oh crap! I'm still a fatty! I have a double chin lately too so I need to get that to go away and I would love my tummy to be flat and my legs to be toned. I found a Gazelle Air Walker (its like an eliptical machine) online today for 20 bucks so I'm going to go look at it this week and hopefully make a purchase then put it in my room and while I'm bored I'll be able to do that instead of be a fatty and eat chips. I just want to look so good, I know its shallow but I'm so depressed with myself lately because I have honestly gained so much weight I just hate it. None of my clothes fit anymore and I'm like ashamed to go buy bigger ones, I just keep saying I'm going to lose weight so I'll buy clothes when I'm skinnny again, but I keep getting fatter. So I'm caving, I want to be like Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition, its that serious. I have gained so much I want to die. I will lose it though, its gonna be intense. If I can just be motivated all the time or even half is better than what I've been. I will be skinny though, mark my words.
Anyways, sorry I bored you with my shallow thoughts, if anyone has suggestions or information about Sleepy Ridge or South Mountain PLEASE let me know, because they are my favorites.

Wedding Dress :)

Alright ladies and gents, here is the story of why I was my crazy O.C.D. self and got my wedding dress over a year before my actual wedding... Okay, so I have been browsing wedding dresses alot lately and have had lots of ideas, I love dresses, honestly they are amazing, however all the sites always have a size 2 model so you can NEVER tell how its really going to look, so anyways, last night I was showing my mom some of the dresses I liked online and I was saving my favorite for last. Then after I showed all the others I couldn't find it, I looked and looked, I typed in the style number, looked in the plus size and clearance! Nothing! I was in a panic, this dress was perfect for me, the gorgeous A-line shape, and the amazing side flower, I was so sad, plus the price! But I'll get to that later. So I immediately called Davids Bridal thinking if they at least had one in the store I'd be able to try it on and we'd go from there. I called, luckily they had one that they could at least clip me into and I could get an idea, I made an appointment before tonight just to be sure no one would buy it.

I had my appt for 6, so I texted Roy to see if she wanted to come and of coarse because she is the best she did, Jill had to work so she couldn't come with us unfortunately. So it was the first dress I tried on, and I loved it but it was a size too small so it didn't fit me the way I wanted it to but I could handle it with alterations, and I have a year and I swear I will be 2 sizes smaller than I am now anyways. Then I tried on a few more but nothing that I liked as much as the first one. Then the amazing girl that she was my consultant came back with the dress that she'd found in a bigger size. Let me just tell you, I had no intention of buying this dress today, I was just going to try it on and see what style I wanted. A-line is my style, its so amazing how skinny it makes you look! I loved it!

Anyways, I tried on the bigger size and I fell in love, it fit like a glove and was GORGEOUS. I knew, yep this is it. Its so fantastically simple that I love it, but it is still gorgeous. So not only was it my favorite dress, it was the ONLY one the store had left in my size, it was soft white (I don't want ivory) it fit amazing, and it was only $300.00! YES! My fantastic perfect dress was only $300.00! Because its being discontinued and they were having a sale. How is that not the most perfect scenario ever! I'm just so happy! It will need alterations so it will be more, but still you just can't beat $300.00. Its just awesome. So here it is, my gorgeous, perfect for my personality and laid back summer wedding $300.00 dress.

So I'm either going to add butterfly sleeves or wear some sort of shrug with it, but the dress is perfect, I'll post a picture of me in it eventually maybe, I'm just not the weight I want to be yet haha. But really I love it, its so flattering, I think I'm going to wear my hair down and curly and put a flower piece or a pretty comb in it to give it some spunk. I don't really like veils so I don't wanna wear one. I did try some on today and they were really cute so I might just have to rethink it, I just love my dress. Its perfect.

Obsession!

Okay, so I have a serious obsession with planning this whole shin dig, we're trying to work on a budget right now and its proving to be difficult. I am the first to get married, so no one really knows what to expect, how much is too much or what a good deal is. It says the average Utah wedding is $4,000, however that is not including the venue becuase most vet married in the temple and have the reception in the church, which is great for some people, but not for me. I don't really wanna get married under a basketball hoop. The average wedding outside of Utah is $14,000 and I sure as hell don't want to spend that much. No thank you. My ideal would be to keep everything under $5,000, and I still think that is a lot. I should be able to though, because the venue that I want is only $2,000 and EVERYTHING is included, except for food so I'll have to deal with that as we get closer because I have no idea what I want to do when it comes to that. I know we have awhile and I'm kinda jumping the gun but I am just really excited, but I really am happy that I have a long time to plan and get things organized.

Also I think I found a cake design I like! Now, for those of you that know me I don't really like cake, so I was just looking around to see some ideas for a small one that we could still cut and do all that stuff, but that I wouldn't have to eat and wouldn't be too expensive. I just don't wanna pay $300.00 for something that is totally gross. So I was browsing facebook and found "Utah Wedding Cakes" and they had some pretty nice cakes I won't lie, but I dont like fondant, really its gross but looks awesome. Buttercream is where its at, well this website boasts that Dawna's buttercream is so smooth that it looks almost exactly like fondant. The website is http://www.utahcakes.com/ for those of you that would like to look at some that she has up. As I was scrolling thru I found this little baby!

 Isn't it perfect?! Its ZEBRA! What?! Awesome. Yes. So I obviously wouldn't have green, I would change that to purple, and have the dots be champagne and gray, and maybe have the stripes be purple instead of black but I'm not sure. So you believe me when I tell you, I will be calling Dawna shortly and trying to work this all out. Plus her prices appear fantastic. I was honestly kind of dreading the cake thing but now I'm all excited. I have also semi thought about doing something like this for the little kids, cuz its just awesome. Really who doesn't love a Cupcake Tree? I mean really? Its cupcakes, yummy!

So I found these cute shoes that I love, I've had shoes like them since I was 7 and they are just awesome, and totally cumfy. I've had about every color since I discovered them, and can't get enough of them. Plus they are so CUTE! Purple and Gray Converses? I mean how awesome? My mom and Jill really don't like them though, they think that I should be in heels, but I'm going to have to stand all flippin day, plus no one will even notice cuz I'm gonna be wearing a dress that drags on the floor so no biggie. They are just so dang cute!

I'm trying to get organized as much as I can without making things final because is so far away a lot could change by then and I don't want to be dissapointed if something doesn't work. I'm trying to be healthy a lot lately because I want to feel awesome on my wedding day. To be healthy looking and have toned arms is my goal for that day, and to have perfect skin. I want to look tan and have no acne or have an awesome photographer who can make that happen haha. I'm pathetic and vain I know but this is what I want, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. To me its really important. I'm working really hard to make sure that is a reality and then stick with it even after. I just want to start our lives together as a healthy and happy couple.