Okay, first of all, I am tired ALL the time. What is up with that?? I go to bed at 11 at the LATEST every single night, I set my alarm for 6:00 so I can get up and work out, recently I started setting TWO so that it would hopefully help me. NO! You guessed it, I hit snooze about 7 times. Its not just a half hour that I sleep in, nope my lazy butt does not end up getting out of bed until 7-freaking-30! How sad is that??? First of all, holy crap I have to be at work at 8:30, and I shower and everything in 40 minutes because I leave at 8:10, yeah that part I'm not really sad about, BUT I bet I would feel like I looked better if I would spend just a little bit more time on my appearence. I think we've already established how shallow I am so I don't need to defend myself. I feel like my weight is all over the place, I weigh myself 1 week and I'm at ____ (I'm not posting how much I weigh until the before and after pictures) and the next week I'm 10 lbs lighter, then 15 lbs heavier the week after that. Its so FRUSTRATING!
Plus, my clothes are being retarded, some fit and look so flattering and cute, and others seriously make me look like I'm pregnant. Its been months since I bought new clothes and I desperately need new ones I just can't convince myself to pay for them. I really need to suck it up though and just go buy some nice clothes that make me feel good, but then I hate it because I plan on loosing all this weight and I don't want to buy clothes that just won't fit eventually, but the reality of it is, I'm not loosing weight because I'm not trying, because I can't get motivated. I'm just going to have to buy some clothes that fit and call it good, then when I loose weight I'll still have all my other "skinny clothes" to go back to. Yeah, thats what I'm going to do.
I'm just sick of being fat, tired and lazy. I really need to get moving. Its so depressing that I've been so bad lately. Its just pathetic. I really just need to kick the bad habits and call it good. Just set a routine and stick with it, NO EXCUSES! I'm just gonna set up a plan and stick to it like glue. For the next few months if I'm MIA its because I'm gonna be at the gym kickin ass.
I thought a lot about taking kickboxing because it would be AWESOME! Plus, talk about an all over workout! That would ravage me! But it would be so great. I'm ready to start over and just have a good healthy productive me.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
It starts Today... as I drink a Dr. Pepper.
I am so sick of being fat! I always say I'm going to change and I NEVER do, for example, I'm sitting here at my desk drinking a Dr. Pepper, it is my weakness, it sucks me in and makes the day better. I work in customer service so headaches are pretty much constant. I love my job don't get me wrong, but some people I swear. Anyways, when I drink a Dr. Pepper it like dulls the pain, I guess this is how alcholics rationalize their issues. I've tried cutting it out completely and I am such an onry biotch that its not even worth it. I am short, snap at everything that moves and think about Dr. Pepper all day long. Also, I go out to eat almost EVERY DAY! How sick is that?! Seriously, it costs me so much money and its never places like Subway that I eat at. Its always like Chick-Fil-A or something thats delicious and full of sodium. I have a few new goals that I want to try and I want people to hound me if I slip, it is beyond ridiculous that I have gotten this fat and established all these bad habits. Goal numero Uno: ONE soda a day, thats it, no oh its been a crap day I'm having another one, or I have a headache crap. Goal numero Dos: Eat out once a week, this will help keep my wallet fat and my waist thin, I just need to start taking leftovers from dinner the night before or start buying turkey for sandwhiches. Goal number three: Work out at LEAST 3 times a week. That doesn't mean "Oh I walked a lot at work today so I'm good" No it means getting off my fat butt and either going to the gym or walking/running 3 miles. I'll probably end up walking/ running so Murphy has a chance to drain his NEVER ENDING energy supply, but he's the cutest so its okay.
I really want a personal trainer, or someone I can report to so they know I'm not cheating more importantly so I don't cheat to make myself feel better. I really need to start getting up at 6 every single day so I can workout before work because I always feel so much better, but my alarm goes off and my brain just goes "Nope, not happenin." I'm so pathetic. But I'm gonna take a picture of what I look like every single week so I can see if I improve at all, I want to start with 3 miles walking or running and get to going 6 miles continuous running and then just go from there. I've been really struggling with being chunky, I was skinny in high school so looking back on those pictures makes me like want to cry. How did I let it get this bad, its just so retarded. I'm gonna lose it all and work my butt off to keep it up, I will be skinny for my wedding dang it! I know I'm coming off as so shallow right now its pathetic but I just can't stop thinking about anything else. I want to be skinny and look cutre so bad, I am a shallow person I know that, but I also want to feel better, I am always tired, and my back is always sore. I'm just done with being unhealthy, its time for a do-over.
I really want a personal trainer, or someone I can report to so they know I'm not cheating more importantly so I don't cheat to make myself feel better. I really need to start getting up at 6 every single day so I can workout before work because I always feel so much better, but my alarm goes off and my brain just goes "Nope, not happenin." I'm so pathetic. But I'm gonna take a picture of what I look like every single week so I can see if I improve at all, I want to start with 3 miles walking or running and get to going 6 miles continuous running and then just go from there. I've been really struggling with being chunky, I was skinny in high school so looking back on those pictures makes me like want to cry. How did I let it get this bad, its just so retarded. I'm gonna lose it all and work my butt off to keep it up, I will be skinny for my wedding dang it! I know I'm coming off as so shallow right now its pathetic but I just can't stop thinking about anything else. I want to be skinny and look cutre so bad, I am a shallow person I know that, but I also want to feel better, I am always tired, and my back is always sore. I'm just done with being unhealthy, its time for a do-over.
Monday, August 1, 2011
July.
Well, I was on a roll blogging but I killed it. Oh well, life is busy. I haven't really done a whole lot wedding wise because its so far away that I don't feel like I can do much. I've decided that I'm too fat to get married right now anyways so I'm really really glad that we're waiting. We're still trying to decide the key things, like how many people to invite, if we're going to a luncheon and reception or just one, where we're actually going to get married would be a good start but I just can't pick a place.
I've looked a lot at Highland Gardens, Sleepy Ridge and South Mountain Golf Club. Those are my top 3 places, especially the golf courses bacuse they have awesome grounds and they have indoor and outdoor patios. I want to have my reception outside but since we're getting married in July I think we need to be nice to people and make sure they can go inside to the air conditioning. The hard part is that everything is so expensive, I got my dress for really cheap so that is a HUGE help but the venue and food its just kicking my butt. I just don't know how people want to spend that kind of money when you could use it on a down payment for a house. I think we might just take the money and go to Vegas ha. Just kidding, my mom already said no.
Speaking of my mom, she wants to invite everyone to the ceremony, but she has a really really big family so it makes it difficult (and expensive) to seat and feed everyone. When I pick a venue Il;; have a better idea of how many people I can invite so it will give me a better idea on food and everything else, I just need to pick a place without spending wayyy too much money. Its proving to just be a headache, so I'm forgetting about it for a few months so there isn't as many issues.
My new goal is to lose 40 pounds before I go to my dress fitting, my dress is strapless so my upper body needs to look awesome and I want to look freakin sexy that day. My arms are a problem area and I would love them to be more toned, and a strapless dress is obviously going to show them off so I need to get working, yeah yeah I have a year but I don't want to hit June and go oh crap! I'm still a fatty! I have a double chin lately too so I need to get that to go away and I would love my tummy to be flat and my legs to be toned. I found a Gazelle Air Walker (its like an eliptical machine) online today for 20 bucks so I'm going to go look at it this week and hopefully make a purchase then put it in my room and while I'm bored I'll be able to do that instead of be a fatty and eat chips. I just want to look so good, I know its shallow but I'm so depressed with myself lately because I have honestly gained so much weight I just hate it. None of my clothes fit anymore and I'm like ashamed to go buy bigger ones, I just keep saying I'm going to lose weight so I'll buy clothes when I'm skinnny again, but I keep getting fatter. So I'm caving, I want to be like Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition, its that serious. I have gained so much I want to die. I will lose it though, its gonna be intense. If I can just be motivated all the time or even half is better than what I've been. I will be skinny though, mark my words.
Anyways, sorry I bored you with my shallow thoughts, if anyone has suggestions or information about Sleepy Ridge or South Mountain PLEASE let me know, because they are my favorites.
I've looked a lot at Highland Gardens, Sleepy Ridge and South Mountain Golf Club. Those are my top 3 places, especially the golf courses bacuse they have awesome grounds and they have indoor and outdoor patios. I want to have my reception outside but since we're getting married in July I think we need to be nice to people and make sure they can go inside to the air conditioning. The hard part is that everything is so expensive, I got my dress for really cheap so that is a HUGE help but the venue and food its just kicking my butt. I just don't know how people want to spend that kind of money when you could use it on a down payment for a house. I think we might just take the money and go to Vegas ha. Just kidding, my mom already said no.
Speaking of my mom, she wants to invite everyone to the ceremony, but she has a really really big family so it makes it difficult (and expensive) to seat and feed everyone. When I pick a venue Il;; have a better idea of how many people I can invite so it will give me a better idea on food and everything else, I just need to pick a place without spending wayyy too much money. Its proving to just be a headache, so I'm forgetting about it for a few months so there isn't as many issues.
My new goal is to lose 40 pounds before I go to my dress fitting, my dress is strapless so my upper body needs to look awesome and I want to look freakin sexy that day. My arms are a problem area and I would love them to be more toned, and a strapless dress is obviously going to show them off so I need to get working, yeah yeah I have a year but I don't want to hit June and go oh crap! I'm still a fatty! I have a double chin lately too so I need to get that to go away and I would love my tummy to be flat and my legs to be toned. I found a Gazelle Air Walker (its like an eliptical machine) online today for 20 bucks so I'm going to go look at it this week and hopefully make a purchase then put it in my room and while I'm bored I'll be able to do that instead of be a fatty and eat chips. I just want to look so good, I know its shallow but I'm so depressed with myself lately because I have honestly gained so much weight I just hate it. None of my clothes fit anymore and I'm like ashamed to go buy bigger ones, I just keep saying I'm going to lose weight so I'll buy clothes when I'm skinnny again, but I keep getting fatter. So I'm caving, I want to be like Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition, its that serious. I have gained so much I want to die. I will lose it though, its gonna be intense. If I can just be motivated all the time or even half is better than what I've been. I will be skinny though, mark my words.
Anyways, sorry I bored you with my shallow thoughts, if anyone has suggestions or information about Sleepy Ridge or South Mountain PLEASE let me know, because they are my favorites.
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