I am so sick of being fat! I always say I'm going to change and I NEVER do, for example, I'm sitting here at my desk drinking a Dr. Pepper, it is my weakness, it sucks me in and makes the day better. I work in customer service so headaches are pretty much constant. I love my job don't get me wrong, but some people I swear. Anyways, when I drink a Dr. Pepper it like dulls the pain, I guess this is how alcholics rationalize their issues. I've tried cutting it out completely and I am such an onry biotch that its not even worth it. I am short, snap at everything that moves and think about Dr. Pepper all day long. Also, I go out to eat almost EVERY DAY! How sick is that?! Seriously, it costs me so much money and its never places like Subway that I eat at. Its always like Chick-Fil-A or something thats delicious and full of sodium. I have a few new goals that I want to try and I want people to hound me if I slip, it is beyond ridiculous that I have gotten this fat and established all these bad habits. Goal numero Uno: ONE soda a day, thats it, no oh its been a crap day I'm having another one, or I have a headache crap. Goal numero Dos: Eat out once a week, this will help keep my wallet fat and my waist thin, I just need to start taking leftovers from dinner the night before or start buying turkey for sandwhiches. Goal number three: Work out at LEAST 3 times a week. That doesn't mean "Oh I walked a lot at work today so I'm good" No it means getting off my fat butt and either going to the gym or walking/running 3 miles. I'll probably end up walking/ running so Murphy has a chance to drain his NEVER ENDING energy supply, but he's the cutest so its okay.
I really want a personal trainer, or someone I can report to so they know I'm not cheating more importantly so I don't cheat to make myself feel better. I really need to start getting up at 6 every single day so I can workout before work because I always feel so much better, but my alarm goes off and my brain just goes "Nope, not happenin." I'm so pathetic. But I'm gonna take a picture of what I look like every single week so I can see if I improve at all, I want to start with 3 miles walking or running and get to going 6 miles continuous running and then just go from there. I've been really struggling with being chunky, I was skinny in high school so looking back on those pictures makes me like want to cry. How did I let it get this bad, its just so retarded. I'm gonna lose it all and work my butt off to keep it up, I will be skinny for my wedding dang it! I know I'm coming off as so shallow right now its pathetic but I just can't stop thinking about anything else. I want to be skinny and look cutre so bad, I am a shallow person I know that, but I also want to feel better, I am always tired, and my back is always sore. I'm just done with being unhealthy, its time for a do-over.
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