Shopping Ban.

Okay, so a guy at work yesterday asked me if I have any clothes that aren't boy clothes. At first I wanted to kick him in the shins and run away, but he's really a funny guy and thats just the relationship we have so I wasn't too offeneded after I thought about it. Plus, he's right. I got up today hell bent on wearing something that wasn't a University of Utah t-shirt,  Jazz t-shirt/ jersey or a Red Sox t-shirt. My goal was to wear something  a girl would actually wear, unfortunately my closet consists of absolutely NOTHING but v-necks, University of Utah apparell, Jazz apparell, Red Sox apparell and hoodies. Yep thats it, and the v-necks that I do have are black, grey, or white. That means that I have nothing of color other than Red for Utah and the Red Sox, and purple, or green for the jazz. THAT'S IT! How sad is that. I'm 21 years old and I need to go on "What not to Wear" I'm seriously so embarrassed that I can't dress myself its just shocking. Everything that isn't sports is so blah I can't believe it, and I can't wear sports stuff every single day of my life. Here is where my shopping ban comes into play, for the entire month of Februrary I am not allowed to purchase 1 single freaking item that is sports related. No shirts, no hoodies, no hats, no tops, no jerseys, no keychains, no stickers, no accessories, no posters, no flags. NO NOTHING! Its time for a complete overhaul of my closet. I am going to have bright colors dammit!

I also decided to do Weight Watchers because I am so unhappy with how I look and feel I don't even feel like getting ready some days (hence the "boy clothes" but jerseys cover chubby tummies quite nicely) I'm really hoping to put alot of work into it and finally feel good about myself. I just hate being a chub. It's embarrassing. I want to look so good for my wedding and our honeymoon. Yeah call me petty but I do. I just need to stick with the ban and the Weight Watchers.

Motivate Me Monday!

Okay, so I know I always say I'm going to work out, and be healthy and blah blah blah and I NEVER do it. Well, those days are behind me. For the last 2 weeks I have been going to the gym Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday with my best friend Roy after work. It has been amazing! I also cut out soda completely! Not one drop for a week and a half, which yeah I know- not that long, but if you only knew me, and know how much soda I consume on a day to day basis that is amazing. I haven't even had my usual headaches either. AND I've lost 6 pounds! I am so happy about it I can barely breathe. But it totally makes me more consious of what I'm eating and drinking. I decided I wasn't going to spend 4 hours a week at least a the gym and come home and eat crap! Its been so great. Some days are really hard though, I really struggle if I'm feeling sluggish and want to go home and change into sweats and watch Desperate Housewives. But then I remember that I can't ditch Roy and I drag my sorry butt to the gym.

Anyways, I'm sure that everyone these days is on pintrest and has seen these pins about how strong is the new skinny and such, and healthy is the new skinny and blah blah, can I just say thats crap.I mean really being healthy is really a lot better than skinny, but who doesn't want both? Really, you don't go to the gym and work your ass off getting flat abs to say "Oh look I'm skinny, shoot I just wanted to be healthy." Yeah I don't think so! But I think that if you are healthy you'll probably be skinny too, so it works, but make no mistake, just because you are skinny does NOT mean that you're healthy.

I am so guilty of this its sad. I looooovee food. Its delicious, but I'm not a dog so I don't need to reward myself with it. But like I said, this is so hard for me not to just eat Wingshak every day of my life.

Yeah one flipping pound at a time. I've lost 6 which is great, but I want to lose 34 more. I made a deal with myself and my parents that I was going to buy myself an iPad after I lost 30 pounds because I want one so bad I can hardly contain it, like I made sure Roy didn't let me go to the Apple store while we were shopping Saturday because I knew I would buy one if I went it. But I bumped it up to 40. I figured why not just lose the extra 10? I want to lose 40 all together anyways and I think thats the motivation I need to do so.

I have been drinking more water lately (at least 72 oz a day) and it helps! I love water, sometimes it gets a little boring but its been great. My dad told me I look like I've lost tons of weight (which coming from him is the biggest compliment of my life) and I think a lot of it is because I cut out soda and replaced it with water and got rid of all the freaking bloating that soda was giving me. I really never want to go back to it, but I probably will at some point lets be honest, but I don't crave it so good news there :)

I just need to remember this. Its going to be hard to wrap my head around that its not instant but I just need to remember I didn't put it on overnight and I can't loose it overnight. I try to read all these quotes so that I don't want to kill myself when I get on the scale and haven't lost anything or I don't see results in my jean size. I just need to remember to keep going and that I'll be okay.

My goals this week are:
1. No white bread
2. Gym 4 times
3.Water, Water, WATER!
4. Eat breakfast every day (killer)

From Chaos comes Clarity.

So, this weekend while I was at the Utah game this weekend sitting there watching turnover after turnover my dad (who is obviously a BYU fan since he coaches Rugby there) texted me and asked me what the score was. My dad and I constantly banter back and forth when its football season. Utah's 54-10 victory over BYU this season really helped my cause. He can't stand losing especially not to my team. So when he texted me and asked what the score was I was a bit surprised that he wasn't watching the game. Its not like my dad to pass up on an opportunity to give me crap. Then he texted me and told me Chaos our Jack Russell Terrier got hit by a car, let me just point out the dog has been hit 4 times before so it was kind of like yeah whatever your lying, well turns out he wasn't. He got ran over by the mail man and took off running for some odd reason. My parents looked everywhere, they followed his blood all the way to the canal (which is about a mile away) and then the trail stopped. They kept looking and asking everyone if they had seen him and nothing. Some people did see him and said he was bleeding so badly that he'd turned pink and they'd thought he was spray painted. Then they went home and got Murphy our other dog who is an airdale terrier, absolutely massive but loves to hunt Chaos. When he couldn't find him we pretty much gave up hope but it was Saturday night so we planned on calling the pound Monday. We went out and looked again on Sunday and still nothing. We were pretty positive that he was gone and wouldn't be home. The saddest part for me was thinking that he was out alone in the cold bleeding to death and scared. Lucky for us though he was picked up by a police officer at about 2PM Saturday afternoon and taken to the animal shelter. So we had to pay $75 to spring him and my dad got a ticket for not having him on a leash and not having a dog license. By the way, when in the hell did you have to get a license to have a dog? The leash thing I knew about but a license? That you have to renew every year! Sorry but thats just too much. Anyways the good thing is that he's home now. He's got some horrendus cuts but my parents think he's going to be fine and they'll just heal on their own. Its pretty crazy when you think about it. I can't believe we found him. I'm so happy he didn't die. He's our baby, we've decided to make him an inside dog though ha. Only took us 5 times of him getting run over to realize hmmm... maybe this dumb ass should stay away from cars.

I'm completely obsessed with nail polish, and grey, so this fits.

So, I've been reading tons of blogs lately, and they are all the creative kinds where everyone is all cute and good at everything and blah blah blah I made the cutest bookshelf out of toothpicks, stuff that I am just not capable of doing, BUT I was thinking about it tonight and it just hit me, I can blog about my favorite things! You don't have to be talented to blog about your favorite things! I'm actually pretty excited to do it, so I'll blog about random stuff because I'm bored. Anyways, I figured I'd post my first one on my main blog because I haven't made my other one.

One of my vices in life is nail polish. I love it. It is amazing, I love all the colors. The problem is that I am OCD, and ADD I swear so I get totally sick of a color in about 20 minutes so I change all the time, I love OPI brand nail polish, they are by far my favorite and the longest lasting, however I just found this brand at Target that Roy introduced me to called Essie, they are a tiny bit cheaper than OPI but they really have great colors too. Grey and Purple are my favorite colors at the moment so thats the colors I have been using lately, i got this grey but I think its a little too dark. This color is Power Clutch,

I like it but I was going for more a light grey, they have a color called Glamor Purse that would be PERFECT but they only have it in stock at the Sandy store and I didn't want to drive up there today just for nail polish especially when I have to go up there tomorrow so I figured I'd just get it then. I should have waited because I'll end up repainting them on Sunday after I get the color, but I just couldn't wait.

Anyways, thanks for listening to me babble, when I get my favorite things blog up and running I'll post the link if anyone wants to read it, I don't expect people to like love it, I just get so bored and feel like writing about something. 

This is a complaining post.

Okay, first of all, I am tired ALL the time. What is up with that?? I go to bed at 11 at the LATEST every single night, I set my alarm for 6:00 so I can get up and work out, recently I started setting TWO so that it would hopefully help me. NO! You guessed it, I hit snooze about 7 times. Its not just a half hour that I sleep in, nope my lazy butt does not end up getting out of bed until 7-freaking-30! How sad is that??? First of all, holy crap I have to be at work at 8:30, and I shower and everything in 40 minutes because I leave at 8:10, yeah that part I'm not really sad about, BUT I bet I would feel like I looked better if I would spend just a little bit more time on my appearence. I think we've already established how shallow I am so I don't need to defend myself. I feel like my weight is all over the place, I weigh myself 1 week and I'm at ____ (I'm not posting how much I weigh until the before and after pictures) and the next week I'm 10 lbs lighter, then 15 lbs heavier the week after that. Its so FRUSTRATING!

Plus, my clothes are being retarded, some fit and look so flattering and cute, and others seriously make me look like I'm pregnant. Its been months since I bought new clothes and I desperately need new ones I just can't convince myself to pay for them. I really need to suck it up though and just go buy some nice clothes that make me feel good, but then I hate it because I plan on loosing all this weight and I don't want to buy clothes that just won't fit eventually, but the reality of it is, I'm not loosing weight because I'm not trying, because I can't get motivated. I'm just going to have to buy some clothes that fit and call it good, then when I loose weight I'll still have all my other "skinny clothes" to go back to. Yeah, thats what I'm going to do.

I'm just sick of being fat, tired and lazy. I really need to get moving. Its so depressing that I've been so bad lately. Its just pathetic. I really just need to kick the bad habits and call it good. Just set a routine and stick with it, NO EXCUSES! I'm just gonna set up a plan and stick to it like glue. For the next few months if I'm MIA its because I'm gonna be at the gym kickin ass.

I thought a lot about taking kickboxing because it would be AWESOME! Plus, talk about an all over workout! That would ravage me! But it would be so great. I'm ready to start over and just have a good healthy productive me.

It starts Today... as I drink a Dr. Pepper.

I am so sick of being fat! I always say I'm going to change and I NEVER do, for example, I'm sitting here at my desk drinking a Dr. Pepper, it is my weakness, it sucks me in and makes the day better. I work in customer service so headaches are pretty much constant. I love my job don't get me wrong, but some people I swear. Anyways, when I drink a Dr. Pepper it like dulls the pain, I guess this is how alcholics rationalize their issues. I've tried cutting it out completely and I am such an onry biotch that its not even worth it. I am short, snap at everything that moves and think about Dr. Pepper all day long. Also, I go out to eat almost EVERY DAY! How sick is that?! Seriously, it costs me so much money and its never places like Subway that I eat at. Its always like Chick-Fil-A or something thats delicious and full of sodium. I have a few new goals that I want to try and I want people to hound me if I slip, it is beyond ridiculous that I have gotten this fat and established all these bad habits. Goal numero Uno: ONE soda a day, thats it, no oh its been a crap day I'm having another one, or I have a headache crap. Goal numero Dos: Eat out once a week, this will help keep my wallet fat and my waist thin, I just need to start taking leftovers from dinner the night before or start buying turkey for sandwhiches. Goal number three: Work out at LEAST 3 times a week. That doesn't mean "Oh I walked a lot at work today so I'm good" No it means getting off my fat butt and either going to the gym or walking/running 3 miles. I'll probably end up walking/ running so Murphy has a chance to drain his NEVER ENDING energy supply, but he's the cutest so its okay.
I really want a personal trainer, or someone I can report to so they know I'm not cheating more importantly so I don't cheat to make myself feel better. I really need to start getting up at 6 every single day so I can workout before work because I always feel so much better, but my alarm goes off and my brain just goes "Nope, not happenin." I'm so pathetic. But I'm gonna take a picture of what I look like every single week so I can see if I improve at all, I want to start with 3 miles walking or running and get to going 6 miles continuous running and then just go from there. I've been really struggling with being chunky, I was skinny in high school so looking back on those pictures makes me like want to cry. How did I let it get this bad, its just so retarded. I'm gonna lose it all and work my butt off to keep it up, I will be skinny for my wedding dang it! I know I'm coming off as so shallow right now its pathetic but I just can't stop thinking about anything else. I want to be skinny and look cutre so bad, I am a shallow person I know that, but I also want to feel better, I am always tired, and my back is always sore. I'm just done with being unhealthy, its time for a do-over.

July.

Well, I was on a roll blogging but I killed it. Oh well, life is busy. I haven't really done a whole lot wedding wise because its so far away that I don't feel like I can do much. I've decided that I'm too fat to get married right now anyways so I'm really really glad that we're waiting. We're still trying to decide the key things, like how many people to invite, if we're going to a luncheon and reception or just one, where we're actually going to get married would be a good start but I just can't pick a place.
I've looked a lot at Highland Gardens, Sleepy Ridge and South Mountain Golf Club. Those are my top 3 places, especially the golf courses bacuse they have awesome grounds and they have indoor and outdoor patios. I want to have my reception outside but since we're getting married in July I think we need to be nice to people and make sure they can go inside to the air conditioning. The hard part is that everything is so expensive, I got my dress for really cheap so that is a HUGE help but the venue and food its just kicking my butt. I just don't know how people want to spend that kind of money when you could use it on a down payment for a house. I think we might just take the money and go to Vegas ha. Just kidding, my mom already said no.
Speaking of my mom, she wants to invite everyone to the ceremony, but she has a really really big family so it makes it difficult (and expensive) to seat and feed everyone. When I pick a venue Il;; have a better idea of how many people I can invite so it will give me a better idea on food and everything else, I just need to pick a place without spending wayyy too much money. Its proving to just be a headache, so I'm forgetting about it for a few months so there isn't as many issues.
My new goal is to lose 40 pounds before I go to my dress fitting, my dress is strapless so my upper body needs to look awesome and I want to look freakin sexy that day. My arms are a problem area and I would love them to be more toned, and a strapless dress is obviously going to show them off so I need to get working, yeah yeah I have a year but I don't want to hit June and go oh crap! I'm still a fatty! I have a double chin lately too so I need to get that to go away and I would love my tummy to be flat and my legs to be toned. I found a Gazelle Air Walker (its like an eliptical machine) online today for 20 bucks so I'm going to go look at it this week and hopefully make a purchase then put it in my room and while I'm bored I'll be able to do that instead of be a fatty and eat chips. I just want to look so good, I know its shallow but I'm so depressed with myself lately because I have honestly gained so much weight I just hate it. None of my clothes fit anymore and I'm like ashamed to go buy bigger ones, I just keep saying I'm going to lose weight so I'll buy clothes when I'm skinnny again, but I keep getting fatter. So I'm caving, I want to be like Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition, its that serious. I have gained so much I want to die. I will lose it though, its gonna be intense. If I can just be motivated all the time or even half is better than what I've been. I will be skinny though, mark my words.
Anyways, sorry I bored you with my shallow thoughts, if anyone has suggestions or information about Sleepy Ridge or South Mountain PLEASE let me know, because they are my favorites.